Life is full of twists and turns.
You start down one path, only to be redirected to another one. You think you have everything you want, only to realize something major is lacking.
For 25 years of my life I stumbled through this world living one day at a time.
I did what I wanted.
I stayed out all hours of the day. I went to concerts (rock, of course!). I drank – sometimes heavily. I dated guys who were all wrong. I gave myself to men who didn’t deserve it.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I never really slept around. I had boyfriends and I had men who I thought I was crazy for. But that’s way besides the point, right?
I didn’t want them to leave, and having sex was the normal progression. Right?
But I always felt like something was missing. A piece of my soul that was longing to be filled, but no matter how much I tried it always stayed empty.
And, oh, how I tried!
In the summer of 2014 I moved in why my boyfriend of a little over a year – for four days.
Because I found out that he was smoking pot on the fourth day.
It wasn’t even the fact of him smoking pot; it was the lies.
So. Many. Lies.
My world came crashing down and I didn’t know what to do.
I went home to my mom, losing it the moment she asked me what was wrong.
I sat on the couch crying and feeling completely hollow.
My life was in shambles.
I kept bouncing my bank account. My job sucked. I had recently had a panic attack – something I hadn’t had in years. My migraines were happening all of the time. My boyfriend has lied to me – and not just once. And I felt like all of my friends were leaving me behind.
I didn’t know what to do.
So I did the only thing I could think of.
I begged His forgiveness. I begged for Him to come into my life and change it. I told Him that I give up on trying to do everything my own way.
I gave Him everything.
I knew at that moment I could either follow Him, or keep ruining my life.
So I chose to follow Him and I haven’t regretted that decision since.
The part of my soul missing? It was God.
I’m whole. I’m finally whole.
Of course, with my salvation came changes.
I started a new job and I’m getting ready to start my journey into Medical Coding.
My migraines disappeared.
I have money and haven’t bounced my account in almost two years.
My clothing became much more modest.
I am abstinent.
Oh, and I’m some sort of mutant because I gave up having sex before marriage.
Why is it we want to celebrate that we, as women, have the choice to sleep with whomever we want but not the right to choose not to have sex?
Why is there such a double standard?
It’s empowering to have control over our sex lives, right?
But not if that means not having one before marriage.
What utter bull crap!
I’m more empowered now, not having sex, than when I was.
It’s my choice.
It’s my right.
It’s my faith. It’s my relationship with my Lord and Savior.
It’s my body.
I won’t look down on you for having premarital sex, so please don’t look down on me because I don’t.
It works both ways.
So yes, I can wait for marriage even though I’m not a virgin.
Yes, that can scare men away, but I don’t want a man who will be put off by my faith. It actually weeds out the ones that are wrong for me.
I am unapologetically me.
And I couldn’t be happier.