My plan for today’s blog post was a fall plus size look book. I had picked out the clothes, put some makeup on, straightened my hair, and even took the pictures.
I had wanted to take them outside, but it’s almost 90 degrees and I would have melted if I tried to go outside in fall clothing.
Anyways, I took the pictures and had sat down to slightly crop and edit them – until I saw myself.
Normally I’m a very positive person. I love myself and who I have become and I’m happy with the way I look 99.9% of the time. I also love all the clothes that I had put on and normally I think I look great in them.
But today is a different story.
As I looked over the pictures I found myself getting upset and discouraged.
Why would anyone want to look at pictures of me looking fat in fall clothes?
The pictures look too grainy to post on a blog that you want to be as professional as possible.
Your cheeks are too red.
Why in the world did you pick that lipstick?
Those are all the thoughts that ran through my mind. Loud enough for me to say no to a look book post.
Instead, I want to talk about how even the happiest, most positive person has their bad days.
I don’t care who you are, every single person has bad days.
No one is exempt.
And I’ll admit it – I deal with anxiety.
Sometimes I don’t even want to go places because of it and apparently that flows over to the internet as well.
It’s not limited to plus size women, either.
Feeling unhappy with your body can happen to anyone – plus size, petite, thin, tall, black, white, Asian, Hispanic.
Some people deal what those feelings all the time, while others only deal with them every now and again. Thankfully, I’m the latter.
But today’s one of those days.
Instead of not posting anything and staying quiet, I’m choosing to make this post – because I know I’m not the only one who struggles. I’m not alone and I don’t want anyone to ever think that they are alone.
We all go through it.
We all have our struggles – anxiety, depression, OCD, eating disorders, bipolar disorder, etc etc.
And you know what? The greatest thing that hold us back from talking about it is the thought that we’re alone.
We convince ourselves (or the media does) that everyone is happy and perfect and we, alone, are the broken ones.
But we’re not broken.
I’m not broken and neither are you.
I personally take comfort in my Lord and knowing that He loves me though the anxiety and body image issues – that He has deemed me worthy of dying for – gives me the ability to step outside of myself and see things the way I should be seeing them.
So even though today is a bad day, I still know I am worthy. I know I am loved.
And you are too.
So here’s me saying anxiety, you won the battle, but I’ve already won the war.