Eating Disorders, Anxiety, and Depression. My story of overcoming mental illness and gaining true happiness. 

This is my life journey. I haven’t sugarcoated my story. As the title states, this deals with mental illness. Please read with caution. 

Weight has been something I’ve struggled with my entire life. 

I can remember being in the fourth grade and comparing weight with my friends and realizing that I weight at least ten more pounds than they did. 

I remember my mom calling the plus sized clothing I wore in the kids section “half” sizes so I wouldn’t feel bad. I remember being made fun of because I “was too fat” to wear l.e.i. And mudd (the cool brands of 2000). I remember not trying out for cheerleading because I thought I was too big. 

I remember being in high school and being disgusted with myself because my arms would rub against my stomach when I sat down in my desk. I remember being called fat behind my back by people in my band class. 

These moments all formulated in my head to convince myself that I wasn’t worth love or acceptance until I lost weight. 

The summer before my senior year in high school I lost some weight. Not enough to be noticeable, but enough for it to unconsciously click in my head how to lose weight. See, I had gotten super busy over the summer and as a result I didn’t snack early as much. I lost weight and I knew it was because I hadn’t been eating normal. 

The way to lose weight was to not eat. At least, in my head it was. 

It didn’t trigger right away, but in February of 2007 my nanny passed away from a heart attack. My life was thrown into chaos over night and I found myself feeling completely out of control. I couldn’t control when someone died. I couldn’t control my emotions. I could control my life. 

But I could control what I put in my mouth. 

From that moment on I ate just enough to get by. I would go to the gym to work off what I had eaten because I wanted to consume as few calories as possible. 

I remember having to hang on to my desk when I got up because I felt so faint from lack of food. I remember keeping otc migraine pills in my car because I always had a headache at the end of the school day. 

Oh, but I was losing weight. People noticed. I noticed. Who cared if I felt like death? I was losing weight. 


Winter 2006 or early 2007 above and spring 2007 below 

The hardest part, looking back, was that I felt so huge to begin with that no matter how little I ate, I still felt like I was failing. I wasn’t losing weight fast enough and it ripped me apart. 

I’d love to say that I woke up one morning and opened my eyes to what I was doing to myself, but I didn’t. I settled into a toxic relationship with food for the next five or so years. I’d feel better and eat, only to be followed by weeks of eating every little. Sometimes I’d be so filled with anxiety that I would binge and eat whatever I could, followed by extreme guilt. I never felt like I could talk about it because the perception of someone with an eating disorder is skeletal and sickly. I still could have been considered “fat” for lack of a better word. 

My first year of work led me to passing out at work twice and my mom used to sit and watch me eat breakfast. Honestly, I don’t know if she actually knew, or what, but I remember being practically forced to eat toast. 


April 2008

I had several bad relationships because I never felt like I deserved better, or could even get better. I’ve had ex’s that I told some things to call me fat behind my back after we broke up. I’ve been told that there are people starving and I’m so selfish that I’m upset because I did eat. 


2009

I never felt good enough, thin enough, pretty enough. I struggled with anxiety, depression, and excessive OCD. I’ve coped with alcohol and self harm. I stayed with a man who lied to me bacause I thought he was the best I would ever have. 


2011


2012


Jamaica 2013

  

2014


2015

Then I woke the eff up. 
I began to live my life and gained the best friend I could ever imagine. Concerts, music, shopping, and fun became my life. Little by little I began to start loving myself. 

I still had feelings of not being good enough, until August 2014. 

My. Life. Changed. 

I know not everyone is religious, but I tell you, the day I left my last ex I felt God. I felt him with me, guiding me. I felt him show me how special I am to Him. I’ve been moved to sobbing tears because of His presence. 
Since 2014 I’ve been on a path of self discovery. I’ve been broken down and lifted up. I’ve learned to see that I am good enough. 

Because isn’t that the root of my problems? I never thought I was goood enough. 

I can’t say I don’t struggle with anxiety or sometimes have a bad self image. I’m human and you are too. Sometimes life with be a daily struggle. Sometimes you may feel you’ll never be good enough. 

You are good enough. 

Mental illness, to be honest, is a lifetime struggle. What helps me may not help you and vice versa. We need to take charge of our lives and find what helps us. It is possible to be happy. It is possible to look in the mirror and see someone you love. It is possible to wake up and be so thankful that you’re alive. 

I’m rooting for you. I’m rooting for us all. 

I don’t know if this made sense, or if it will help anyone, but I feel called to share my story. My past may help someone change their future, and if that’s the case then it’s all worth it. ❤️


October 2016

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My First YouTube Video! 

I’ve finally crossed over to the dark side and made a YouTube video! 😱 If you like vlogs, drugstore makeup, makeup shopping, and honest first impressions head on over and watch! ❤️ 👉🏻 Makeup Shopping VLOG!

Going Dairy Free!

Let’s just be blunt here; there’s nothing cute about a dairy intolerance. Gas, bloating, stomach pains, horrible bowl movements. Yeah, nothing pretty. 

I had been experiencing all the above for several months before I ever took to the internet to try and figure out what was wrong. We all know our bodies pretty well, and normally we can figure out when something isn’t right. 

And I knew something wasn’t right or normal. 

So I googled foods that would cause severe bloating and after some research I came across dairy ( or lactose) intolerance. It was the only food that I regularly consumed, so I thought I’d give it a try. 

Y’all, my life changed! Horrible bloating went away, I felt better all over, horrible life interrupting stomach aches went away. I couldn’t help but wonder why it took me so long to figure it out. 

Oh, but then came the hard part, because I love cheese, chocolate, biscuits, gravy ( I’m southern, y’all, and we LOVE our gravy. And in case you didn’t know, gravy is made with sausage grease, flour, milk, salt, and pepper – yeah ), cake, muffins, cookies, doughnuts- the list could go on and on. I’ve actually lost weight because there is such a limited amount of foods I can consume. I’ve given up Pepridge Farm’s goldfish cracker! 😱 And those were my absolute favorite!

Of course, there are times I do consume dairy- and let me tell you, I always regret it. I ate a bunch over the weekend (my sis made a keylime dump cake, so good) and I’ve been paying for it. I felt like crap, my stomach hurts, and I have no energy. 

So why am I writing this? Because roughly 25% of Americans cannot process lactose normally. http://www.pcrm.org/health/diets/vegdiets/what-is-lactose-intolerance

I want to share my new lifestyle with others who may be suffering like I use to. I plan on sharing dairy-free recipes that I learn ( dairy free sweet cornbread coming soon! ). 

Let me know if anyone else struggles as well, I’d love to hear from everyone! 
Until next time! 

Disney Minnie Beauty Cream Lip Stain Set Review And Try On!

Who doesn’t love Minnie Mouse?

Okay, now who doesn’t love makeup?

Okay, those left! Welcome to my review of the Disney Minnie Beauty: Minnie-atue Cream Lip Stain Set. 

Whoa, that’s a mouthful. 


This is a limited edition set by Sephora. While it’s been out for a while, it will eventually go away, so if you like the looks of this set I’d recommend grabbing it up before it’s gone!

It retails for $26.00 and it contains 5 lip creams; each lip cream has .1 oz. 

The colors rang from a pinky nude to a bright pink to a deep red. 

While this set in the Minnie packaging is limited, you can buy the full size of each color for $14.00. They’re also part of the Sephora’s line. 

You can find them by searching for Cream Lip Stain. 

Okay, brief overview. 

Most colors need two coats, except for African Violet. 

Whipped Blush is an amazing Barbie pink color, but even with two coats it’s still slightly patchy. 

When you apply any color, try to not close your mouth until the product dries. Sometimes doing so will cause the inner part to smear. 

All in all, if you love Minnie Mouse I’d say go for this set before it’s gone. I display mine and it’s tickles me every time I see it. 

Now on for the try on! As always, products are shown on pale, cool undertoned skin. 

Please excuse the weird crops, but I’m having a slight allergic reaction to a medicine and my face is quite red right now!


Peach Tart

African Violet (my personal favorite)


Whipped Blush



Mandarin Muse


Always Red 



And there you have it! 

Do you currently own this set? Or are you planning to buy it? Let me know and tell me which color you fancy the most! 

Until next time! 

High End Lip Gloss Try On

We all see those lip glosses at Sephora or Ulta and wonder what they actually look like on, right? 
Please tell me it’s not just me!

Whew, good. 

Anyways, here are 7 High End Glosses without a filter and in natural light. They are listed in acending order by price, which ranges from $16.50 – $33.00. 

These are on bare lips, no lip liner!

Let’s get to it!

1) Clinique Long Last Glosswear in Woo Me – $16.50



2) bareMinerals Marvelous Moxie Lipgloss in Rebel – $18.00



3) Buxom Full-On Lip Polish in Erin – $20.00



4) Buxom Full-On Lip Cream in Berry Blast – $20.00



5) Nars Lipgloss in Chelsea Girls – $26.00



6) Marc Jacobs Enamored High-Shine Gloss Lip Lacquer Lipgloss in Sugar Sugar – $28.00



7) Dior Addict Lip Maximizer High Volume Lip Plumper in Pink 001 – $33.00



And there we have it! 

The Dior, bareMinerals, and Buxom glosses do have a tingle to them, so if that’s a turn off for you then you may want to skip those. 

The wear time is pretty consistent for them all, except for the Dior plumper because I find that it has a slightly longer wear time. 

Which colors are your favs? 

Until next time! Bye guys!


Natural Eye Makeup Tutorial – No Filter or Ring Light!

Hello all! 

Today I’m gonna try out my first makeup tutorial!

We’ll be using the Tom Ford Eye Quad in Nude Dip and no falsies, only mascara!

What you’ll need:

Eyeshadow Quad – I’m using a Tom Ford quad, but you can use these steps for any quad that you have on hand. 

Eyeshadow Primer – I recommend Urban Decay’s Eyeshadow Primer Potion, but any one that you love will do. 

A Matte Cream Eyeshadow – I love Tarte’s Confetti Cake, but any skin colored matte shadow will do. 

Eyeliner – I’m using Marc Jacobs’ Highliner Gel Crayon, but any black eyeliner pencil will do. 

Eyelash Curler

Mascara – I’m trying out Urban Decay’s Perversion mascara, but you know the drill – any will do. 

Four Eyeshadow Brushes – a big fluffy brush, a blending brush, any basic shadow brush, and a tapered brush. 

The steps:

1) Line your water line in black. Your waterline is the space on the inside of your eyelashes. 

2) Prime your lids

3) Dust a matte eyeshadow over your whole lid with a fluffy brush. This helps with the blending of the rest of the shadows. 

Your eye should now look like this. 

4) Take your lightest shade in the quad and with a fluffy brush dust it all over your lid, paying special attention to the area below your brow bone. 


5) Take the next lightest shade and put in on the bottom half of your lid – from your crease ( literally where your eye creases. If you don’t have a crease then decide where you would want it to be and make that your “crease” ) to your eyelashes. 


5) Take your second darkest color, and with a blending brush, work the color into your crease. I go from the crease to just above it. Go slow at first, as you can always go back for more shadow! It’s easier to add more than to have to try to blend out too much. 

6) Now take your tapered brush and dip into your darkest color. You’re going to want to put that color on your outer v – literally make a V on the outside of your eye. Start a third of the way up your crease and bring it to a point, and then take it to the outside third of your lashes. You’ll see that you make a V with that shade. Remember, don’t grab too much shadow at first. Build up the coverage until you get the darkness you desire. 

6) Take your blending brush and blend around your edges. Make sure that there are no harsh lines; your shadow should blend into one another. I usually just try to blend my crease color into my outer v color. 

7) Take your finger (either your middle or ring finger ) and get some of the second lightest shade. Tap that color onto the middle of your lid. This will draw the attention to the middle of your eye. 

8) Now just curl your lashes and apply mascara! 

And that’s it! You have your completed look! If you love falsies then feel free to apply them. I normally do when I go out, but I wanted this to be a natural look. 

Hope you enjoyed, and that this was easy to follow! 

Remember, makeup is fun and should be treated as such. If you don’t like how it looks the first time, then just wipe it off and start again. Practice makes perfect!

Is the Dior Addict Lip Maximizer worth the price?

There’s drug store makeup.

There’s high end makeup.

Then there’s luxury makeup.

Today I want to discuss the Dior Addict Lip Maximizer and wether or not I believe it’s worth the $33.00 price tag. 

Firstly, let’s talk about how much product you get. 

There is .20fl oz in the Dior Maximizer, which is actually .02fl oz more than other glosses, like Nars. 

Secondly, length of time it last on the lips.  

I usually put it on before I leave for work and I don’t need to reapply any lip product for at least 2-3 hours, and that’s through eating a pack of crackers and drinking water. 

In my opinion, it last longer for me than other glosses.

Next, color. 

Right now it comes in two different colors: Pink 001 and Beige Sunrise 006. I’ve only tried the pink color and it’s pretty see through so don’t expect an opaque gloss. Of course, for me I wear it with only a brow tented gel so I love that fact that it’s not pigmented. You can wear it over a lip liner if you wanted a colored look. 

Lastly, price. 

This product retails for $33.00, which is about $15.00 higher than glosses like Bare Minerals. Of course, this also contains collagen, so it’s not just the name you’re paying for. 

Item overview

Personally, I love this product. It tingles (which I love), lasts quite a while, and isn’t overly sticky. 

The instructions that comes with the product says to use every day for two weeks to see a difference in your lips. I did just that and I can honestly say I notice a difference in my lips. 

Now, don’t expect Kylie Jenner lips, because without fillers being injected it’s an impossible goal. 

However, there’s less lines in my lips and the corners are more full. I put on a very vampy lipstick earlier and I could tell a big difference in how my lips looked with lipstick. There’s not a major difference, but I can tell that I’ve been using a lip plumper. 

Top pic is before and bottom is two weeks later. 

Plus, when you apply it your lips they actually do plump up instantly. 

My thoughts

I truly love this product. I use it every morning and I honestly do feel that it’s improved my lips. The fact that it’s Dior makes my morning a little more fun. 

If you love the brand, love lip plumping glosses, or just love luxe makeup I would suggest picking this product up and giving it a go. 

If you hate anything that tingles or have no need to plump your lips then I would say pass on this product. It does come with a steep price tag so make sure it’s something you’re really wanting. 

Like I said, don’t expect a miracle. It’s not going to give you a dramatic change, so of that’s what you’re expecting you’ll be disappointed. 

Okay, that’s it! Overall I give this product a solid 5 stars and would suggest to anyone who’s been wanting to try it to go for it!