The Weight Loss Chronicles – 1

Nobody told me that when my clothes started to get too big that I’d get frustrated. 
I know, I know! How on earth could that be frustrating? It means all your hard work is lying off and you’re seeing physical results! 
Yes, and it also means that the clothes that I bought are now things that make me feel frumpy. It means that I don’t feel as confident in my clothes as I did when I was heavier. 
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not enough to make me say, “screw this! I’ll just stay this size!”, but it does affect you mentally. 
Weightloss is always made out to be this grand thing, but no one wants to talk about the down side – and oh yes, there is a down side! This blog series is going to be about the ups and downs of weight loss. How it makes you feel mentally, physically, and emotionally. 
This is my weight loss story. 

  • My name is Jenni
  • I’m almost 28 years old
  • I live in a small town
  • I’ve been heavy all my life
  • I struggled with anxiety and things that go along with it almost all my life
  • I’m single
  • I’m currently down 15lbs
  • My starting weight was 249
  • I’m a size 18 pants and XL tops 
  • I’m on a 2030 calories a day diet
  • I also hate the word diet
  • I love yoga
  • I can touch my toes!
  • I’m lactose intolerant 
  • I love cheese 😩
  • I’m 5’5
  • I’ve run out of things to write 

Day 5 of my weight loss journey ✌🏻

It’s 6:35am. 
It’s also raining and I’m standing outside writing this because being outside calms me. 

I started my weight loss journey on Tuesday, February 21st. My Fitness Pal tells me I need to stay around 2000 calories a day to lose a pound a week. Of course, I could eat less and lose more weight more quickly, but this is a lifestyle change for me. 

No quick fixes here. 

Tuesday was actually pretty easy, surprisingly. I followed what I should eat and even began working out – I haven’t worked out harder than yoga in years, not that yoga can’t be hard, because it is. But the kind I was doing wasn’t. 

Wednesday was also pretty good. I was sore from my workout, but still stayed in my calories and felt pretty darn good. 

Thursday – eh – could have been way better. It was a big day at work and I started my day by falling down the stairs. 

Graceful, I know. I now sport a scrape on my foot and a huge bruise on my shin. 

It was also the first day that I really felt the lack of my normal caloric intake and caffeine. I also worked out Thursday and to my surprise, the workout was just a tad bit easier. 🙌🏻

Friday was the day from hell. I was hungry, grumpy, in pain, and sleepy. I was hungry because I waited on my sister to come over before I ate supper – at 7pm. I normally get up between 4-4:15, just to give a reference. 

So now it’s Saturday. I’m feeling better than yesterday, but it’s early. 

But I feel good, at the same time. I feel like my body is already rejoicing, so hopefully I can hang onto that feeling, because it feels dang good. 

I don’t have any concrete goals. I haven’t weighed myself in over a year and I honestly don’t plan to for a while. This isn’t about a goal weight, this is about my life and wanting to live it to the fullest. For so long I focused on what I thought I should weigh, but now I see it’s truly about how I feel, my health, and the way my clothes fit. 

Well, I guess that’s all for this early morning ramble. 

Judgment

I normally don’t get in the middle of politics and religion (unless you’re someone I trust) and I’ve debated on this for, gosh, a week or more now. You see, I don’t normally like to throw my two cents in unless I feel that my two cents is needed, and I’ve been questioning if I knew enough about this topic to add my thoughts. 
Then tonight I keep feeling like there’s a weight on my chest and that there is something I need to do – this usually means God is knocking me on the head and telling me to act. 
So naturally, I trust Him and act. 

After He knocks for a while, cause ya know?
This picture sums up my frustration with this country right now. 

And no, not because I agree, but because I wholeheartedly disagree. 
How dare anyone question any other persons faith. How dare you assume you know so much that you know the heart of those who are Christian and voted for, now president, Trump? 

Don’t get me wrong, we all have that very human and sinful side of us who question others about their choices and how it pertains to their faith, but hopefully we realize our error and pray about it. 

Not for the other persons sin, but for our own. 
I could handle being called racist, homophobic, etc because of who I voted for. It irritated me and hurt, because I know it’s not true, but it didn’t affect me down to my core. 
But insinuating that I’m not following Christ is a whole other ball game. 


My faith is hard won. God found me when I hit the lowest of lows and He loved me when I wasn’t even sure if I loved myself. I strive to live as closely to how He wants me to live as I can. I have learned to forgive those who hurt me. I have learned to accept those who differ from me. I have learned to turn to Christ in anger, instead of allowing the emotion to consume me. 
Jesus died for me on that cross, not because I’m so faithful, but because His love for us transcends anything we could ever comprehend. He died for me when I was so buried in sin and I was living only for myself. He died for me when I went weeks without praying. He loves me. He loves you. 
For someone to group every Christian together  who voted republican and assume that we are all horrible people is so hypocritical. You judge us because we apparently judge others? What? You can judge and it’s acceptable because you’re liberal? No. Wrong. No one can judge. 
Do we though? I’d be lying if I said no. But you’re just as guilty. Never start pointing fingers unless your own hands are clean. 
But because of my faith, I forgive you. 

Because of my faith I love you and want the absolute best for you. 
Instead of passing a judgment on me, try and get to know me. Ask me about my views, my Christian walk, my story, my friends. Learn about who I am. 
You’d be surprised to see that I’m nothing like what you assume. 
Truthfully, if you want to know, ask. That’s how we all grow. 
I’m sure there’s plenty we don’t agree on, but that’s the beautiful thing about the USA. 

For when your praying knees get week – 1

Oh Mondays. So full of rushing around to get back into the swing of things (especially after a holiday weekend!), sleep deprivation, and caffeine. We’re much more likely to be on edge and we look at the week ahead and bemoan how long it is until Friday. 

For this Monday I had a completely different blog post planned. I wanted to talk about starting each week fresh and making the most out of life, but I feel there is something much more important – or prevalent – that needs to be said. It’s something that I deal with a lot and I feel it’s a huge reason for people leaving or never coming to the Christian faith – hypocrites. 

The people who profess such godliness and faith, but who’s actions speak more about promoting themselves than Christ. It’s all about how they can change people. About how important they are. They want people to come to them, not because they feel God speaking and moving through them, but because they love how important it makes them feel. 

Of course, there are the ones who may cuss, become drunk, have premarital sex, etc. But those may lead people to believe that those sins are okay – because we are forgiven. And we are! But we must make an effort each and every day to turn from sin. All sin. 

It’s hard to read or listen to a person preach when you know that their heart isn’t in the right place. It’s hard to believe that anything they say may have any truth. 

But it can. And that’s what makes it all the much harder. Can God work though a selfish, self serving person? I believe he can. God can work though anybody. God is the great I Am. He can do anything. And that’s part of what’s so frustrating. Who wants to listen to a man or woman preach and take it in what they have to say when their life contradicts their words? 

It’s hard enough for someone who knows Christ to do, but imagine how hard it would be for someone who isn’t saved? Someone who knows nothing of Christ? 

I truly believe that a huge part of why so many people embrace atheism is because of hypocritical christians. Instead of pulling people to Christ, we’re pushing them away! We’re showing them everything but love, we judge then because of their sin and never acknowledge our own, and we put ourself up in a pedestal. 

I personally know a man struggling with his faith. He believes there is a God, but for whatever reason, he hates Him. All these “christians” on tv and in the news only push him farther away. I see God chasing him plain as day, but because of whatever happened in his past and because of people in the world today, he keeps running. 

How many people in your life are doing the same thing? Are you? 

I’m not perfect. I’m far from it. I’m nothing special or extraordinary. But I love Christ with my whole heart. I’ve been blessed with salvation and given so much peace in my life. 

And I want everyone to have and feel the same. I want us all to come together in Christ. I want us to move. I want to see people moved to tears from the power of God. From his love and grace. We all need to take a good look at ourselves and see if we are representing Christ the way we should be. 

Remember – the way we live may be the only bible someone ever reads. 

Dear Americans Who Voted Trump

It’s a hard time. 

People protesting in the streets, hate being brought on you for your choice, and you’re being made out as a bigot and racist. 

You are being made out to be heartless. Ignorant, even. 

I know, because I am one of you. 
My decision to vote for Pres-Elect Trump did not come easy. I prayed and wrestled with my decision for a long time. 

You see, I live in the Appalachian Mountains, near coal mines and lots of factories. We have taken a massive hit and people hurt. People were scared of a Democratic win, because our jobs and livelihood could have been on the line. I’ve seen what Obamacare has done to jobs; part time at my job use to be up to 35 hours, but went down to 28. We couldn’t handle another four years of the same. 

We vote, because we hurt. 

I pray that we all can come together and build a better tomorrow for our children. That we can become a stronger country than ever before. 

But we have to stop fighting one another for that to happen. 

In my neighborhood there are a lot of Clinton signs. We have a Trump sign. As we were walking back from voting (we live 45 seconds from our polling location) we passed our neighbor who has a Clinton sign. She was excited to see us out voting, and I was happy to see her going to do the same. This is how we should all be. 

Let this not divide us, but bring us closer. 

To those who are being ridiculed because of your vote, I hurt with you. You are not a racist or a deplorable person. You are human and voted your heart. 

For those who are hurting and afraid of a Trump presidency, I feel your hurt. I pray that in time none of your fears are realized and you can feel joy for your country. 

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

1 Corinthians 13:13

Dear High School Girl,

It’s a start of a new school year, and if you’re anything like I use to be, then you see it as a chance at a new you. 

Now, I could spend this time telling you that you’re perfect the way you are and to just be you. 

And you should!

But I completely understand how you feel. Honestly, even as a 27 year old woman, I find myself finding ways to make myself better. 

Eat better, exercise more, sleep more, dress better, etc. 

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to better yourself, but what is wrong is the idea that you can only be happy once you change. 

No amount of weight lost, no amount of in style clothes, no boyfriend, and no job will make you happy if you’re not already happy with yourself. 

I know it’s hard, especially during the teen years. You’re stuck not wanting to be a child, but not yet being an adult. You go to school with girls who seem to have everything and you feel stuck trying to be who you think you need to be.

But here’s the secret…..

Just be you and learn to be happy with where you’re at, at this very moment. Love yourself as you are right now, and that will make any goal reached that must better. 

I can tell you from experience, even when I was smaller, had a boyfriend, and had a bunch of friends I still wasn’t truly happy. 

I always felt like I needed to be smaller, needed to hang out all the time, or whatever else my mind told me I needed. I was always miserable deep down and it allowed me to keep making bad decisions and staying with the wrong guys. 

Now? 

I’m bigger, no boyfriend, and my best friend moved to Wyoming. 

But I’m happy. 

I’m happy because I learned to love myself as I am. 

It’s a hard journey and there will always be times that you find yourself wishing for something else, but at the end of the day you can put all those feelings away. How? By loving yourself and knowing you worth more than the voices in your head tell you. 

I wish I could give you a magic formula to happiness, but it doesn’t exist. All I can say is you’re worth being happy. One day you’ll look back and wonder why you stressed so much. 

Enjoy your youth. Enjoy being young. 

It all truly does work out in the end. 

So I wish you a great school year!


OCD and Me

Let’s face it, the term OCD has become mainstream. You like you money a certain way? OCD! You like to brush your hair 100 times? OCD! Now, I’m not saying that those aren’t OCD tendencies and of course I’m not a psychologist (though I use to want to be one. All those classes gone to waste. Le sigh) so I couldn’t tell you what the difference between being quirky and actual Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is. 

However, I can tell you about my struggles with OCD. 

I do some funny things, like I lock the door a certain way while thinking of a tune I made up. I chant things while making sure I armed the door at work. 

I know it looks funny. I laugh at myself sometimes. 

But there’s a whole other side that isn’t quite as funny. 

Sometimes I have to drive back to work to double check that I armed the door – even after my little ritual. I’ve gotten up in the middle of the night to check the door again because I get a mental picture of someone breaking in and murdering my whole family. 

Yeah, it’s not all funny. 

Thankfully most of the time I can control the obsessions and I’d say most people living with OCD have learned to do the same. Some people may need medicine. Some may need therapy. For me, I find that talking about it to people who understand helps the most. 

And of course, talking to God about it above all else. 

Everyone is different and handles their challenges differently. There isn’t one right way to deal with OCD or any other issue we may be having. We’re so quick to want people to pop a pill and get over it, but it’s just not that simple. 

You have to do what’s right for you, regardless of what others may say. Maybe therapy works great for them, but maybe for you it’s useless. Maybe others deal with it on their own, but you find that doctors and medicine help you best. No matter how you cope, never be ashamed. Medicine isn’t shameful, just as therapy isn’t. Dealing with it on your own isn’t something to hide either. 

Surprisingly, more people struggle than you may think. 

And for me? That’s the most comforting thing. 

Because I’m not alone.